A Guide to Bondage For Beginners
BDSM (Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism) is having a renaissance. With the Fifty Shades of Grey book and film franchise, this corner of the sexual universe has never been quite so mainstream. So, we thought this was an opportune time to regale our readers with a guide to bondage for beginners from a less populist, more respectful standpoint.
Bondage play is as intellectual as it is sexual as much of it concerns the interplay of two distinct roles in a sexual power dynamic – dominant and submissive. In fact, I’d even go as far as saying that it’s more about sensuality than it is about sex. The intellectual component of BDSM sensuality/sexuality is also responsible for the shifting of power dynamics between the two presumed polarities of “sub” and “dom”, which are not necessarily set in stone, allowing for participants to realize facets of their sensuality that might otherwise be inaccessible.
At its heart, BDSM is about informed consent, with all participants agreeing to set modes of play and agreed-upon methods of suspending or ending play in the event that someone’s not happy. And that’s the first lesson of BDSM – communicating your boundaries and preferences. So, let’s dig into Top Drawer Toys’ brief guide to bondage for beginners.
The First Lesson of Bondage Play – Communication
Sex is a form of communication all its own, but when you’re talking BDSM, talk is at the top of the pyramid of needs. You can’t just come at someone with a flogger in one hand and a roll of duct tape in the other expecting an enthusiastic reception. You need to talk about it.
So, the first rule of bondage for beginners is communication. You and your partner will have discussed what BDSM means to you individually and what about it has attracted you. What you have in mind, reader, may not be acceptable to your partner and vice versa, so discussing your respective boundaries is key.
And establishing those boundaries – what’s OK and what’s not OK – must occur before the restraints come out. But once you’re in the thick of it, though, how do you express your reluctance to continue? Why, you have agreed upon safe words and gestures, mutually accepted before bondage play begins. Remember that communication is your touchstone and you’ll have fun!
Lesson Two of Bondage For Beginners – Know Your Props
BDSM is prop-heavy sex play. Restraints, floggers, crops, paddles, dildos, butt plugs, sex machines, cock cages, and ball gags are only some of the props that apply. The diversity of BDSM play includes many kinky constituencies which have their own props and toys.
But before you start brandishing anything with the intent to dominate, you need to know what that prop is capable of. Our Bondage for beginners guide asks: “Do you actually know how to tie those Shibari ropes?” You need to figure that out before play begins. Nothing can kill a “scene” (a BDSM scenario that has been agreed upon in advance and then played out) faster than the inept use of toys and props.
Understand all the moving parts before you start using them in the middle of a scene. Not to do so is to risk turning you both off bondage play forever. And you’ve bought all those swell props, so that would be sad.
Who’s on Top in Bondage Play?
They say that who we are in bed is who we are in life but nothing could be further from the truth with BDSM. Who we are in life may be the polar opposite of who we are in BDSM. The high-powered lawyer may wish to be subdued in BDSM play. The servile, retiring civil servant may prefer to wield the whip. Our next lesson in the bondage for beginners is figuring out who you might be in BDSM.
How do you envision yourself in the context of bondage? If you’re not sure, take this quiz. It may sort you out as one of either a “top” or a “bottom”. These terms, while stemming from cisheteronormative sexual stereotypes concerned with power, apply to all of us and are especially pertinent in BDSM. A “top” in BDSM is dominant, while a “bottom” is submissive. But there’s also ample space in all sexualities for the “switch hitter” (the versatile top/bottom hybrid, moving effortlessly between the two roles). It must be understood that the interplay of power expressed in the roles described is pivotal to understanding bondage for beginners.
The master/submissive relationship, as hinted at earlier, is primarily concerned with psychosexual dynamics and the intellectual component of sensuality/sexuality. Taking control may fulfill a missing puzzle piece in the BSDM’s top/master’s life. The same is true of the BDSM submissive/bottom. Bondage play is expressing power dynamics in a controlled setting. Many find it not only sexually exciting but deeply satisfying (even comforting) on an emotional level.
A Beginner-Friendly Sex Machine
This guide to bondage for beginners is by no means comprehensive. What you’re reading is essentially the “training wheels” of the huge area of sex play we’re discussing. BDSM has a massive number of followers and practitioners in all corners of the sexual universe, all approaching this style of play differently and with different levels of intensity. But with these basic tools, you can get started exploring bondage and enjoying it at your own unique intensity.
What better way to start exploring different sex play than with a fun toy. The Box Rocker is Top Drawer Toys’ answer to the traditionally cumbersome, noisy sex-machine. Light and versatile at under 2 pounds, Box Rocker is also whisper quiet. It is, for all intents and purposes, the ideal beginner’s sex machine.
You control the speed and depth of thrust and the vibe, customizing your experience to your desires. With the hands-free strap, you also decide where and how you’ll engage with Box Rocker – even in the shower! And with the remote control, your hands-free experience gets even more delightfully liberating! So, this innovative playmate is a great starting point in bondage for beginners, with all the thrust of a sex machine and none of the noise!
Add Box Rocker to your bondage play scenarios and take your sub through the roof (unless you’re the lucky sub.) Read more about this revolutionary sex machine, then get ready to play with Box Rocker!